A mother on her daughter's same-sex wedding ...

The following note came forwarded to me from my own mother, age 84, who lives in Minnesota and is a Quaker. Her Quaker friend Marie Knowland wrote this for her daughter and and Marianne and partner Michelle, who have been together over 20 years. Marie was unable to attend Marianne and Michelle's marriage in NY this month, but wanted to participate in the ceremony nonetheless. So she asked that the following be read at the ceremony:

August 5, 2011

Marianne and Michelle Wedding

Michelle and Marianne, as you enter this stage of your continuing commitment to each other, I am honored to address you on this occasion and celebrate with you your love and respect for each other.  I am aware that such a relationship has not always been accepted in our society and your honesty and integrity in how you have dealt with it is much to be admired. 

In the manner of Friends (Quakers) let me hold you in the light and bid you continue with my blessing.  May you enjoy the love and support of each other in a legal relationship of marriage for many years to come. 

Go in Peace, 

Mom 

Kids, Teens and Empathy

Sometimes my tweets and Facebook posts are spontaneous. Often, though, I work ahead, looking for quotes and media items that fit a theme -- something going on in the news, a holiday, my own emotional or intellectual gnawing.

This morning, I found myself looking for quotes on listening and empathy. I came across this gem from Daily Show Executive Producer Josh Lieb, from his recent book I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and Want to Be Your Class President. It matches what I've observed on playgrounds and in classrooms, both during my own growing-up, as well as now in the behavior of my Godkids and their peers. 

I'm reminded that empathy doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated:

I am amused when goody-goodies proclaim, from the safety of their armchairs, that children are naturally prejudice-free, that they only learn to "hate" from listening to bigoted adults. Nonsense. Tolerance is a learned trait, like riding a bike or playing the piano. Those of us who actually live among children, who see them in their natural environment, know the truth: Left to their own devices, children will gang up on and abuse anyone who is even slightly different from the norm.

GOP Congress members plan to delay/prevent implementation of DADT repeal

When the House Armed Services Committee meets tomorrow to discuss 2012 business, several Republican lawmakers have announced they will offer amendments to the National Defense Authorization Act that would either slow or block implementation of the Don't Ask/Don't Tell repeal already passed by Congress, according to a bulletin today from Fred Sainz, HRC's VP of Communications. It's these congresspeople's right wing social conservative attempt to make an end-run around the will of the House, Senate, President and (by poll numbers) majority of American voters.

Here's the hall of shame. Please, let's let them know we're NOT happy with them for trying to codify socially-backward, fearfulness and bigotry once again ... even after the train has all but left the station.

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) 

Mr. Hunter claims approval of the DADT repeal by the President, Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (the previous requirement suggested by critics) ... doesn't satisfy him. He's now asking for approval by all the Chiefs.

It should be expected that if/when all branch Chiefs do sign off, Rep. Duncan will try to move the goalpost once again and come up with some additional difficult standard the repeal must achieve in order to be enacted.

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO)

Rep. Todd will try to keep Department of Defense facilities from being available for same-sex marriages, regardless of the laws of the particular state in which the wedding would occur.

He wants to bar chaplains or civilian DOD employees from officiating at such a ceremony even if the wedding is otherwise fully legal.





Rep. Steve Palazzo (R-MS)

Mr. Palazzo will try to include language on behalf of servicemembers whose 1st Amendment free speech and religious/moral rights are trampled, he claims, by their having to serve in the same military as open gays and lesbians.

Mr. Palazzo feels one should be able to live gay-free if one's religion dictates, and that it's the military's and Federal government's job to ensure this.




Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-MO)

Mrs. Hartzler wants to essentially reinstate DOMA, the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, which our Attorney General recently dismissed as unconstitutional. Hartzler sees an opportunity for this in the DADT repeal, claiming it's necessary to block same-sex marriage in the military because of a "heightened need to protect marital and family stability."  She does not elaborate about what, exactly, she'd like the see marriage protected against.



While their arguments and positions sound/look pretty absurd and obscene when presented as plainly as I have here, they are quite serious about this and will try to slow/kill our military's progress if at all possible.

If one of these politicians represents you, I encourage you to drop them a note TODAY and let them know how displeased you are with their shameful obstruction of basic societal progress. It doesn't take Nostradamus to forecast that history will not look kindly on these people and their actions. But let's not leave it to history while a generation of young men and women in uniform suffer. Let's make a difference TODAY.

BPJ
5-10-11

Source information for this article from HRC, cnn.com and wikipedia.com

On Anger

There are days like today when what I feel more than anything is anger. Allowing anger to motivate—indeed, control—my thoughts and actions goes against what I speak about and hope to achieve within myself. This shortfall, in itself, is enervating for me; I get mad about being mad.

I grow defensive and rigid. I brace myself against anticipated assaults. I steel my gaze, my mouth draws tight, and my heart hardens.

I recognize that on whatever level, I’ve chosen to be angered by the telemarketer, the man at the gym who’s hogging the machine I want to use, the woman in traffic who is talking on her cell phone and, in her inattention, doesn’t allow me to turn. It’s my choice to let the dog’s yapping irritate me, to get riled at the preening politician or preacher on TV who’s claiming things that aren’t true.

I look at people and rather than seeing each as a child of God, I dehumanize them, viewing them as a series of threats and inconveniences. Yesterday, I tweeted a quote from Buddha – “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” While I hope this advice is useful to others, in this instance it was directed at myself. Setting up the world such that everyone and everything I encounter is a threat is the worst punishment I could levy. It’s like signing up to be a victim of terrorism where I am the terrorist!

I'm convinced that many of us deal with this on an ongoing basis. We wake each morning and prepare ourselves for battle, never mind whether it's necessary or even useful on a given day. We’re armed to the teeth and ready to fight.

As I sit here, in this condition, I'm aware that it’s quite literally eating me alive. So I take a few breaths. That helps. I get up and close the door to the room so I am alone. This, too, helps. My terrier Susie comes and sits by me, close enough that we share warmth, but leaving me my autonomy. I feel a little heart-swell of gratitude toward her, the beginnings of what I want to feel more generally.

We know meditation helps us de-escalate. We know prayer (meditation’s more assertive cousin?) is useful as well. But I have a damned hard time getting myself to sit down and do either. Fury is so much quicker, and it’s seductive. It tells me I’m at odds with the world, that I’m right and the world is wrong. But this is a lie. I’m merely shadow-boxing. And the sooner I can get that through my thick head, the more solidly I’ll be back on the path I wish to travel.

Step one for me? Don’t simply create the sort quiet space I just described. The key is to quit fighting the anger. Simply let it be. The anger will melt as it loses its relevance.

Wow. Hard work.

Can Obama win again in 2012?

A current CNN poll suggests that if the election were held today, Obama would beat a challenge from Sarah Palin, but would face stiff competition from former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

My questions is what must Obama do in the next two years to secure a second term -- Compromise with GOP on taxes and cuts? Hardline on social issues? Make good on his 2008 promises to the LGBT community? Address immigration reform head-on?

I'll tell you what I think later. For the moment, you tell me what Mr. Obama should to do lock in a second term.

On Nat'l Coming Out Day, Oklahoma Conservative PAC leader calls me "a confused 'thing'."

I woke to a couple of voicemails this morning letting me know I, along with LGBT people everywhere, were maligned yesterday in a blog post by Charlie Meadow, the head of Oklahoma's Conservative PAC (OCPAC.) You can read Mr. Meadow's blog here.

I've been working to help elect Brittany Novotny to Oklahoma House District 84. This came after I became aware of the rhetoric of her opponent, social conservative Sally Kern, who galvanized the nation's LGBT community in 2008 by calling gays the biggest threat to America today, bigger than terrorism.

In his blog, Mr. Meadow speculates that the anti-Kern ad my company made is in violation of Oklahoma's election laws (it's not) and calls me and Novotny's supporters "a confused bunch of 'things'" and insists on referring to Ms. Novotny, who is a transgender woman, as "he."

Ironically, Mr. Meadow posted his inflammatory blog on National Coming Out Day.

I took a couple of deep breaths before drafting this response:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 13, 2010

Charlie Meadow
Oklahoma Conservative PAC

Oklahoma City, OK

via email

Dear Mr. Meadow,

After reading your most recent blog post, I must thank you for your flattering words on the production values of the TV spot SALLY IGNORES SENIORS. Despite other things you said in this post, the compliment was a day brightener.

I’m especially flattered that you would think the spot cost in excess of $5,000 to create. Actually, with union voice-over, licensing of images and a couple of film clips, the spot cost Three Things Media $1,635. Add the ad buy and we still came in under $5k. You may sleep better tonight knowing your worries about a violation of Oklahoma election law are moot. (I’ll be happy to provide line-item open books on all expenditures, to you or anyone, after the Nov 2nd election.)

You are also correct on an important point--the spot was created, produced, and is airing completely independent of Ms. Novotny’s campaign. This is about Sally Kern and her long record of putting anti-gay politics over the needs of her constituents and local business.

That said, I must object to your continuing to disparage–indeed dehumanize–gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. It’s ironic that in the same posting where you voice displeasure at a political ad, you don’t seem aware of the implications of your own speech. You’re not conjecturing in a public forum (where it’s fair game) about an elected politician’s record, you’re maligning a whole class of Americans.

This comes at a time when media attention is focused on the tragedy of suicide among young LGBTs, and increased awareness of how bullying and speech such as yours can help push vulnerable young people to the brink.

While I live in California now, I spent plenty of time in Oklahoma City as a kid. My family is from Oklahoma. My parents met at Phillips University in Enid. They went on to be schoolteacher missionaries, representing a variety of Oklahoma Disciples of Christ congregations. I wrote a book on the subject.

And sir, the way you talk about others is not how decent Oklahomans talk.

You have a history of tone-deaf remarks. Mrs. Kern recognized this and censured you on her website after you labeled Ms. Novotny "a confused it.” Now you’ve put Sally in that unenviable position of apologist again. As much as I disagree with Sally’s politics, it’s not fair for you to burden her with your hyperbolic excesses.

Furthermore, we gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders – in Warr Acres as in West Hollywood, in Bethany as in Bethlehem, PA -- are not a confused bunch of its (or things.) We’re human beings, sir.

And, in fact, we’re not confused; we’re clear on where we stand. It turns out a person gets to know his or herself quite well after being repeatedly spat upon and having the stuffing kicked out of ‘em, be it literally or figuratively.

The confused one is you. You seem to have a tough time wrapping your head around Ms. Novotny’s gender, and you take glee in heralding this ignorance to those who will listen.

In your post, you ask, “How can this confused bunch of ‘things’ know what Sally did or did not do?”

The answer is the Internet, sir. Via the Internet, one can read nearly every article ever written about a legislator, examine their voting record, and see many of their speeches. That’s how it works in 2010. Yesterday, for instance, I watched a (actually fascinating) City Council Meeting in Norman where social issues were being discussed. Charlie, if you need assistance getting up to speed on how to use the Internet for research, someone at OCPAC can help you. Hell, I’ll give a few pointers if it’ll bring you on board with the rest of us.

I regret that I will not be able to attend your OCPAC lunch this Wednesday. I would love to be able to present these concerns to you in person, man to man. More than anything, I’d like to know if you could look me in the eye – as a fellow child of God, practicing Christian, and philanthropist – and call me a “thing” face to face, continuing to deny my humanity along with the humanity of others who may not lead their lives in precisely as you do.

Sincerely,

Ben Patrick Johnson

Executive Director, The Ben Patrick Johnson Foundation
Board Member, Equality California Institute

Sally Kern Ignores Seniors

SALLY KERN (R-OK) is one of the most notoriously antigay politicians in America today. She's up for reelection on Nov 2nd. I say 'no' and encourage Oklahomans to do the same. To that end, I created and produced the following TV commercial. It runs starting next week on FOX NEWS and CNN in Oklahoma City.

Since being elected, Sally has neglected Oklahomans in favor of her own narrow/radical social agenda. Maligned in local and national press for her embrace of extremist views which have scared away business, Kern is being challenged in District 84 by pro-business, pro-seniors transgender attorney Brittany Novotny.