This morning, I found myself looking for quotes on listening and empathy. I came across this gem from Daily Show Executive Producer Josh Lieb, from his recent book I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and Want to Be Your Class President. It matches what I've observed on playgrounds and in classrooms, both during my own growing-up, as well as now in the behavior of my Godkids and their peers.
I'm reminded that empathy doesn't just happen. It must be cultivated:
I am amused when goody-goodies proclaim, from the safety of their armchairs, that children are naturally prejudice-free, that they only learn to "hate" from listening to bigoted adults. Nonsense. Tolerance is a learned trait, like riding a bike or playing the piano. Those of us who actually live among children, who see them in their natural environment, know the truth: Left to their own devices, children will gang up on and abuse anyone who is even slightly different from the norm.
Indeed they will...and as society continues to throw us curve balls regarding tolerance, we must strive all the harder in the teaching/showing/setting examples to the youth of the world!
ReplyDeleteVivi
I thought about this the other day. I feel that love can be a natural response, but, given our status quo, it unfortunately has to be taught. Today, you have to be taught to love LGBT people. Either your parents or society will teach you that it's okay to hate or even hurt them. When I was 12, I remember making fun of gay people with other boys, yet at the same time wondering if gay people were really that different from me (pre-awareness of my sexual orientation, of course).
ReplyDeletethis is true my son who is 11 was bullied this year because of his size and choice in clothing. kids he had been frind with in the past now were judging him and it was sad i've always tried to teach him to respect others he doesn't have to agree with them but he does has to respect their choices. also I truely enjoy your tweets on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteEveryday Life
Absolutely, I agree. Lord of the Flies, anyone? While I think there is a large element of learned prejudice - what they hear and experience at home, especially regarding race, orientation and even gender itself - I also think children engender what is intrinsic to all humans, which is self-interest. Our species wants to survive. Small children are the very embodiment of unchecked ego; I don't think they particularly care what kind of person (racially, etc) is taking their toy, they just want their toy.
ReplyDeleteUp to a certain point, they just are developmentally unable to experience empathy. As they develop this capability, however, it's up to us as adults to nurture this, to model this, to reinforce the importance of empathy.
Empathy - just like prejudice - can be taught. There is probably no more important lesson we can teach our kids. Sublimate the ego, think of others. I can't even think of anything that could not be made better with deeper empathy.
I'm not familiar with this book; I need to check it out!
~Lisbeth