I love you so fucking bad.

I love you so fucking bad that every minute of my life is now painful. I yearn to be free of you and in the same shudder I yearn to be one with you in as many ways as two people can, in screwing, crying and wailing, in the primordial awesomeness that is infatuation.

I love you so fucking bad that I suckle on the pain. I want to lie close enough to you, always, that I am continually aware of the smell of honey or sleep on your breath. I want to press close up against you at night. I want to meet each other in our dreams and make glorious love and fly and defy gravity. If we lie close enough, it might happen. I want to live in your skin and for you to live in mine, for there to be no separation between us.

I love you so fucking bad I want to cook for you then eat with you, cross-legged on the kitchen floor, feeding each other by hand. Though who needs food? You are my food. You are my water. You are my looking glass. I want to gaze at you and not need a mirror to see my own reflection.

I love you so fucking bad I want to be reborn as yours, indivisible with liberty and justice for none. Who needs liberty when you have the heroin that is the love I feel for you?

I love you so bad that I’ll do foolish things for you. I’ll lie and steal for you. I’ll lay myself down in front of your car tires if I think you might leave me. I love you so bad that when we quarrel, I feel as though I’m dying. I can’t breathe. I can’t think straight. I can’t put a sentence together.

I love you so bad that I’ll shout it to anyone who’ll listen. I’ll post it on Facebook, spray paint it on a wall, phone my mother and embarrass myself by going on about you for an hour.

This hurts too goddamned much. I don’t want to love you like this. I want to love you a little. But my love is large and dangerous. Its flames threaten to engulf us and burn us both alive.